Writer's Self-Esteem

I've come to realise, (more through personal experience than anything) that it's really easy to have your confidence as a writer completely shattered. Becoming a writer involves the whole big ordeal of actually collecting ideas, producing work, trying to get it out there in the public eye (published) and then being willing to recieve critisism from readers/critics. For me though, the latter is something I've become pretty much adapted to. I've never had anyone tell me that they don't like my poem (so that's a good sign), but I've had people point out a particular part of a piece of writing and tell me what they did or did not like about it. I can accept critisism, which I'm actualy really glad I can. But the people who can't, will feel hurt that that critic or whatever, doesn't like their work, thus shattering their esteem. If I was a writer who couldn't have their work disliked, well, I wouldn't really be a good writer in the end.

But that's not really what I wanted to focus on in this blog post. I wanted to talk about how writers self-esteem's can get bruised when they compare themselves to other writers. Of course, this can have its benefits, but on the whole, I think it's wrong to do. I myself have performed this action umpteen times and can say that 90% of the times I do, I feel completely deflated. That other 10% result? Well, that's the positive side to things. I usually will feel inspired, empowered and generally positive. It's almost as if I get this huge boost to become as good as the writer I'm comparing myself to.

We always seem to compare ourselves to writers that we think are fantastic, and usually when we're at the amateur level of writing. How come we never compare ourselves to writers that we think are rubbish? Might that help us? Might it boost of self-esteem as a writer because we could say that we're better than that writer? I'm not sure. I don't really like looking down on any writer. Just because you don't like their style or whatever, it might not mean they're a bad writer. But still, maybe it can be used as a confidence boosting tool. I don't know...I guess we'll have to try it.

Fear is a Dream Killer

There's a guy named Earl on YouTube, (his account name is 'bikemessenger7') and in one of his videos, he was discussing how fear is a dream killer. He got some good responses, including one I believe from, 'conferencereport'. Anyway, the concept of the fear of losing holding individuals back from succeeding is definately a common thing nowadays. Well, in fact, it's been a constant issue with mankind.

I've experienced it on countless occassions, and I'm sure you as a reader have too. It's nothing that's out of the ordinary, and most of the time, we blow our fear way out of proportion and end up fearing something that hasn't even begun yet. The fact is, we don't want to face rejection or failure. We don't want to not get something that we really desire. So we as humans seem to enter/use this weird defense phase/mechanisim to protect ourselves from getting hurt or from failing. And that phase/mechanisim is to simply not try at all, because we're afraid.

It's hard to believe that we desire that thing so much, or that we want to succeed so badly, that we're willing to not even try to obtain it and make our dreams a reality.

Art "How to's": You don't Need 'Em!

For quite some time now, I've been guilty of looking up "how to's" on YouTube and Google. Specifically "how to do photography", "how to write a sonnet in iambic pentameter" or "how to write and publish a book" etc. So I was sitting at my computer, browsing through "how to do photography" web pages today when something finally dawned on me: why the hell am I doing this?

I realised in that moment that what I was doing was stupid. I take pictures, right? I enjoy taking my own pictures, right? I'm trying to grow as a photographer, right? Well then why turn to some other photographer to learn how they themselves take pictures and do their photography? I am not them. I don't want to learn their tips on how they do this and how they do that. Effectively, what I'm saying is, I don't want this information handed to me on a plate. I want to discover my own style and how photography, in my opinion should be done. I think if everyone copied everyone else's photography, pictures around the world would just be plain boring.

I've always said that art isn't something we can learn, it's something we must experience. No one can tell you how to paint a picture, what colours to use and how you should use them. No! You must discover these things for yourself. The same applies to my own art. I shouldn't be looking up on the internet how to do anything regarding art. Doing and experiencing anything is a trial and error process. You need to seek out what's best for you and what you're comfortable with. And that is something that no apparent professional can tell you how to do.

But sometimes I think that beginner's look for "how to's" so they can get an easy way out. They expect that the professional's advice will somehow transform them in an instant to become an exceptional photographer. Many end up learning the hard way that that's not the way the cookie crumbles and in the worst case senario, they give up. There is no easy way out to any craft. None. No spring time meadow you can run into. Like anything in life, you've got to work at. Artist's aren't born, they're made.

It's funny how little thing's like a YouTube search or Google inquiry can lead you to some pretty epic things. Well, in my opinion, this topic is epic, because, well, so many people mistake it for something else. I guess this could also relate to the whole idolism thing that goes around. Lots of amateur artists look up to the professionals. In some ways, I think that's okay, but on the other hand, I don't like it. I don't think artists should be looking up to others and following in their footsteps (although, I am guilty of doing so on many ocassions, but I shouldn't be). It's up to you to discover the ultimate style and artist within you, if you're passionate about it though. I'd say that to be an artist you need 3 things: passion, skill and great ideas. And those 3 aspects are things that you and I will have to pinpoint for ourselves.

So take your pictures, write your poems, paint on your canvas until you become an exceptional artist. But don't look up "how to's" on the internet or in books, because there's a style in us. We just got to find it.

Matter and Significance (random, silly, insignificant post)

Nothing really matters unless it matters most to what doesn't matter, well, that's just unimportant. For what cannot matter, doesn't matter and the world is no better or worse for that thing having no significance. For example, dear reader and/or blogger, this very blog post has little or no significance in the eyes of those who matter. Yes, I mean you. So that smile you just made is what matters most in relation to what does and doesn't matter, for what matters is completely of significance if you want it to be. It's all personal choice really as you, (who matters) already know. If you didn't already know such things, well, you don't matter. But who am I to say who and/or what does or does not matter. For everything matters really. Therefore everything that I just said does not matter. (Or does it?)Confused?

Burn Your Cold Feet

Piercing forevers spiral then plummet
to eventually arrive at death’s summit
I was once a kid who lived in Always
that vacant world I entered most days
Sunlight lands housing barren nations
hear the snap of apathetic affiliations
Under your feet I watched them fracture
breaking more that what you manufactured
You regret the damage after your fury
that put you on trial to please your own jury
because no one in Always can live complete
till they get a lawsuit and burn their cold feet.

Skint Amateur Hitmen

Skint Amateur Hitmen
05/04/2010, Tuesday, 2:40pm

Washed-out jeans and tattered jackets
contrasting the overcast skies,
clouds wrapped around blue like a packet
of cigarettes, of gum, of crisps,
stuffed into starving mouths
with dirty hands.
We get paid buttons for dirty work.

A backstreet job with many faults,
sirens be the soundtrack of course,
stabbing the head with fear and guilt,
pain piercing fertile hearts,
like a dart to a bulls eye
on a board in a rundown pub.

Bodies looking for protection
in the wrong direction,
making connections with higher people
on lower thrones.

I’m the one with the gun in my pocket,
but you pulled the trigger,
sending one fleeting bullet
cutting through the alley air
to kill the man who dared
to stare with the wrong kind of eyes
at our so called boss: the tyrant in a trilby.

Some Strangers are Never Strange Enough

Some strangers are never strange enough
they pop open champagne
and laugh at everything or nothing.
They pretend they’ve earned their luck
yet we’re all sitting ducks
waiting for rain, smudging the pain
and choking on my catchy refrain,
“Last years recession hit us all hard.”

Guess I’ve never been friends with my friends
outcasts bent like magnets pull this recluse
we know this old chum’s never been much use.
Can’t say I’ve ever cared what a friend thinks of me
except a stranger or maybe a lover bond to a greed
where I’m the driving force and they’re the noble steed.
Maybe we’re all just too depressed or too miserable
but why is it if you are, everyone thinks you’re inconsiderable?

I’m sorry for being born with a heart that’s partial
but it’s all these strangers that act as a marshal
to assemble linear thoughts and make them creative
so all the folks at home can call you innovative.
I’ve never been one to hold back a sincere thought
the most fascinating of strangers are rarely ever caught.
Can you forgive me for staring, dear stranger?
You just seem like the perfect thought re-arranger.

03/04/2010 By Naomi Hamilton

Dedicated to a good stranger, Steve.
Please visit his YouTube channel, BERSERKERpoetry.
Thank you.