it rained today...

It rained today. From the early hours of the morning, drops of rain have been falling from the sky. It is still raining, and it is now 8:20pm, Monday. I like the rain. The way it dances on the ground, how it spatters on my window and then lazily slides down the glass. It is beautiful to look at against the overcast sky. Apparently, it is to snow very heavily tonight and all this week. As I sat at my window and watched to rain fall, I thought I saw some snowflakes scattered among the raindrops. So I can now say that the snow began falling at 8:16pm for future references, not that anybody cares.

From my bed, I'm looking out the window. Thinking. Matthew's landing light is on. I can see it from here. The yellow hue is shining on the rain drops on my window. I can hear the train rumble by...Silence. Men can create the most exquiste sounds, but silence, is the most beautiful sound in the universe.

On my left, there is a lamp I turned on. I like it's light. Not too bright as to light up the entire room, but not too dim as to prevent me from being able to write. I haven't closed the cutains or blinds yet, even though it's getting dark. I don't want to shut out the world. I want to see and hear the rain drops and watch then glow in the light from Matthew's house.

The rain was very heavy this afternoon. I went for a walk in it. I took an umbrella, stepped outside, and just walked in the rain. It was perfect. The only sounds I couyld hear were the traffic, the rain pinging off my umbrella and the rain falling onto the ground all around me. I could hear the cars tyres snap against puddles by the curbs. I could hear the sound of water splash into gutters and drains. Every sound complimented each other. Every sound was needed.

I went to the river. I stood on the grating in the heavy rain with my umbrella, watching rain fall into the river, it's rippled forming circles that dispersed then disappeared. Only to be replaced by yet another falling raindrop, which in turn would do the same. I watched, mesmerized, as hundreds of circles formated, expanded and then vanished. I stood there for fifteen minutes, never taking my eyes off the water. I could feel the wind swirl around me, cold, yet comforting.

I can now hear another train...

Anyway, after about fifteen minutes, I decided to leave, but walked further still, and followed the road. Any road. I didn't care, as long as I was walking. I walked, I listened, I sensed, I saw.

I like the rain.

Mornings Rock!

Mornings are strange things. They are the beginning of the Earth's rotation upon it's axis, and yet, many consider them, "just mornings".

I have a very peculiar love for mornings. I am a morning person. There is a cheerful, positive emotion I consistantly feel every morning. I guess I always see the potential within them and the day ahead; the possibilities. I almost feel superhuman during them. As if I can conquer the world in a few hours. I get the idea that I can achieve so much in a short space of time. I have an uncontrollable outburst of inspiration.

So I plan this, and I plan that, but 80% of the things I wanted to do never pan out or don't seem as fulfilling as they did in my head. By the end of the day, when my head hits my pillow, I think, "Well that was a waste of time..." Do you ever get that? You think that an idea is incredible in your head but it never turns out the way you want it to in reality?

You'd think because this consistantly happens to me, that I'd just say, "What's the point?", but no, I keep feeling this strong outburst of inspiration every morning, and I'm glad that I do. Because without it, I don't think I'd have the strength to get up and actually do something with my life. If I didn't feel good in the mornings, I'd probably be a depressed individual.

Sunday Dog Walking

I've just came back from a walk with my dog, Zoe. She's a little West Highland Terrier, otherwise known as a Westie. I'm usually the one in my family who takes her for walks, feeds her and plays with her, but she's still the family pet.

For the past month or so, I've been taking her into a nearby field and letting her off the lead to run around and have a bit of freedom. She usually throughly enjoys it, and always comes home in a very relaxed mood and is content for the rest of the day. Today though, she was acting kind've peculiar. To get to the field, I have to walk with her right out of my neighbourhood and along a path on the main road. That then leads me into another small estate with the field just beside it.So I took Zoe here.

As we were entering the field, she kept stopping and tugging on the lead. I ushered her to come but she started to lie down and not budge. Each time I pulled her and commanded her to follow, she stopped and lay down in the field. Nevertheless, I wasn't going to allow her to have her way and control me instead of me being in control of her. So with some difficulty (she's a small dog, but quite strong and very stubborn) I got her to follow me deeper into the field. Once we began to walk further, I felt that she was getting more relaxed and was walking more consistantly. But, I was wrong. She continued to walk intermittedly and was obsessively sniffing every tuft of grass in the field! I kept saying in a firm voice, "Walk on." and she would, but only for another few feet. So I decided to put her lead back on and walk together around the perimeter of the field.

After a few minutes though, she got into the swing of things again, and started walking okay off the lead again. We had almost completed a full circuit of the field when I spotted an abandoned football. So I went over to it and started kicking it around, encouraging Zoe to play with it. She took no interest of it at first, but then, with persistence, she realised I was trying to play with her. I gently kicked the football towards her and she excitedly darted in the opposite direction. She was sprinting like crazy out of the field and towards tha main road. I was freaking out, yelling at her to stop and chasing after her. Before she got out though, I stopped her and clipped her lead on. I guess it wasn't really her fault though, she was just playing.

And then we walked back home. On my our way back I saw I police car stop another motorist. A policeman got out of his car and went over to the driver's window of the other. Didn't really nosy though. Wasn't my business.

I also saw the first bumble bee of the season. Rather early for them to be around I think.

Photography

These are a few examples of my photography. Check out my YouTube channel to see more!

Sleep Deprivation

I think over the Easter break my friends and I are going to camp out, but deprive ourselves of sleep for as long as we can. I like to challenge my brain. I'd love to see what something like that could do to me. We shall see...

The Gods have Blessed Us

Eros has blessed us and made us one.
You are Helios and I, Selene,
together we complete each other.

Morpheus controls our conduit
each rapid and surf we confront
But Tyche be with us, she be for us.

Flowers may whither in the scorching sun
the moon may not render the darkness,
but our affection shall never pass away.

For love was born to never die, subsisting
only by we who drink from its goblet.
We’re drunk with devotion, but not tainted.

Hekate will entertain us with lost magic
streams of golden sunshine from his palms
and rays of moonlight from his feet.

Tenderly borrowing each of our abilities
and uniting them, so that our radiance
will soar through the realm of the gods.

Typing Spontaneous Thoughts

The world is an undisovered place. We think we know so much about everything and anything in it, but do we? Can we really say that we know everything we need and wish to know? Of course some things can't be discovered, some things are just physically impossible to obtain, but can't we try? There are many on this planet who do not want to try. They have not accuired the desire to make a difference. To discover, and learn about the world around them. When will we realise that we can't rely souly on what our television screens tell us? How can we progress as a race if all we do is consume, work, come home and then plonk our asses on a couch to watch shitty T.V for 3 hours? Is that all we live for? Is that all we strive to achieve? I personally wish to always reach what exceeds my grasp. The dreams that I create now and build for now, will soon become reality if I want them to. Does no one else think such things? Does no one else look out the window and see such great potential beyond the horizon? For it is we who create our own horizon, and many are abandoning their chances to do so.

~Written on Notepad at 10:26AM Saturday 27 March 2010

By Naomi Hamilton

Thoughts on Writing

I don't have the text right now, but I did make like a "journal" entry for YouTube, so here it is:

I am not a Christian

If I had even considered becoming a non-Christian about 3 or 4 years ago, I would have been absolutely terrified of the idea. Now that I dwell on that fact, it actually makes me realise that religion is nothing more that a pacifier that makes people feel safe and part of a huge group. And if you aren't a part of it, you feel vulnerable and afraid of hell. This "follow the herd mentality" clicks into place, and you feel that if you don't become or remain a Christian, you will damned to hell and will suffer for eternity.

Religion is highly based upon fear and control. Controlling people, by making them fear particular things. Fearing God, hell, the devil, sin and anything that is abrasive with religion. Powerful men dictate to us how we should be, what we should and should not do and how we should do them. Everything about organised religion is very dominative and controlling.

Christianity has never been something that I was given the chance to judge for myself. It was a religion that I was constantly exposed to. My sub-conscious, while I was growing up, was being fed all this religious dogma, and it became almost my second nature to never, ever disagree with it. It was like one of those stories in the news that you ocassionally hear. Ones about children who grow up with wolves or chickens at an early age due to abuse, and then grow up to mimick the animals, and not act like humans. Why do they do that? Well, it's because the mannerisms of the animals around them, are all that these childrean have been exposed to, therefore is all they know. Religion for me was like that. I didn't have any outside knowledge about any other belief. All that I was fed was Christianity, Christianity, Christianity whilst growing up.

This type of dogma and control that circulates religion irritates me. Some of these Christians just can't wrap their head around the fact that someone can actually believe something other than Christianity. No one can disagree it seems. All there is to believe or care about or preach, is Christianity. Nothing else is true, nothing else can be true.

I've had enough. I'm no longer a Christian. I haven't been a Christian for a few months now, but I'm taking the time to formally announce it. I disagree with too many aspects of Christianity and religion in general, and I don't believe that I have to feel obligated to put my faith in something which I just don't consider true.

Believe what you want to believe.

Construction in Town and Trip to the Library

Today, like any other Saturday, I cycled down to the public library. I usually return some books and then borrow out some more if there's a good selection. I'd planned as soon as I got up at 7:30AM this morning, that I would go for an early morning ride to the library and around town. I wanted to leave quite soon because I knew that there would be a morning rush hour and cars would be consecutively streaming up and down the roads with people in them heading to work. Although, I wasn't particularly bothered about it. As long as I got out, any time suited me.

By the time I had breakfast, got ready and was out onto the road on my bike, it was around 9:30-10:00AM. Well, somewhere around that time. I'd decided to leave it a while because after I had my breakfast, that's when the real rush hour began and I didn't want to run into too much traffic. Anyway, I left the house, got onto the road and cycled into town.

When I got into the heart of town, I saw that serious construction was going on. They're refurbishing town. Putting down nicer slabs for the sidewalks and brightening things up abit. I already knew this, but it seemed to have gotton more chaotic and busier. Builders had cut off certain parts of streets and main public/pedestrian areas, so recently people have had to take detours to get around town and there has been more traffic jams around the centre of town due to the construction that's going on. I actually read an article in the paper last Sunday that was talking about how frustrated people in town are getting with the work that's going on. In the report people had said that they've been arriving late to work because they've been stuck in traffic jams. Anyway, back to the whole bike ride thing...

It just so happens that right outside the public library's main doors, there is extreme construction going on. But beforehand, before I even arrived at the library, a street that I usually go down was completely cut off and there was no access, especially when I was on a bike. So because of this, I had to take a detour the whole way around town to arrive at the library. When I finally got there, I had to squeeze my bike past a small little pathway the construction men had left.

Sigh. Well, to be honest, I'm glad that they're improving our wee town. But I just wish the construction was over so we could restore normality.

By the way, I got a new style of library card! I don't know why they decided to suddenly improve them.

The Guy with the Cigarette

I sat on a park bench, reading
traffic rumbled by like angry bears.
Across the street, across the road
outside a coffee shop, a young man stood.

A man of little wealth but rich in contentment
he stood rolling up tobacco into a cigarette
from his pocket he took a lighter, sparked it
then began to inhale the smoke.

I was distracted by him.
I had a strange urge to go over and say something,
but what could I possibly ask him?

I watched his movements.
The cigarette meet his lips
his chest rising and falling like the tide,
thick clouds of smoke drifting away.

He leaned against the wall
and rested his foot on it.
I thought he looked cool
standing like that with his cigarette.

There seemed nothing arrogant about him though.
He just wanted a smoke, that’s all.

As he did, he looked around.
Up and down the streets, at cars, people…
…and then at me.

My gaze was locked on his,
and his on mine.

He took one last drag of his cigarette,
threw it to the ground
and began to cross the road in my direction.

“Oh my God…” I thought.

When he stood on my side of the street,
my side of the road, he said,

“You wanna’ grab a coffee with me?”

Words For a Good Friend...

You are not a mistake. You are not an accident. You have a purpose. Part of your purpose is to discover your purpose, but your destiny is flexible. It is merely the framework for your existence, but does not control your path. Destiny is your path, but there will always be a fork in the road. A decision to make, a choice that no one else can make for you. However, that’s okay. There is no point in worrying about your life. Do not get distracted by every hurdle that you may face. For anxiety of what is to come, stops us from reaching our full potential and will prevent us from truly living in the present moment.

You are alive! There are incessant possibilities that await you, that will unfurl! Certainly there will be obstacles that you must confront, but you are resilient enough to over throw them! You are buoyant, you cannot sink. You are fierce, you cannot beaten. You are gifted, you cannot be psychologically slain.

Know that I am here for you as you play the game of life.

“You must be the change you want to see in the world.” -Mahatma Gandhi

I've come to the realisation that I can never change the world, if first, I do not change myself. Universal change can only occur once one has made the internal alterations. When one has destroyed all the negative "vibes" building up within you.

Think about it, have you ever snapped at someone because of an emotion or incident that happened previously during the day? Effectively, you've hurt that person because you were not in control of your negative emotions, or as some people like to call it, energies.

By being able to master negative energies, you and I, as people of this planet and society, can live our lives around positive attitudes and energies.

Not only internal change must occur, but exterior change to benefit our communities, family, friends, environment etc

say a little prayer

Say a prayer with mommy before bed
you’re head will fall onto your pillow twice as easy.
Let the unknowns of life melt away
because you’re certain He has you guarded
like a screen for the fire,
and you’re the raging soul
kept under control
between pillars of commandments
and the fear of being burnt.

Modern Day Hansel and Gretel

Sepia tone dusty roads
with all the nothingness you’ll never need
the world isn’t your playground,
it’s for the men in snazzy suits
to make a profit off you,
to pick up the dirty pennies
you drop along the road
from the hole in your pocket.
A Hansel and Gretel story
with an not so happily ever after.

Still Writing Spaghetti Words

You look in the mirror
And you’re the one who cracks
Fragmented and vexed
Grab some cigarettes
To calm you down,
Turn your frown into a mask,
A $5, cheap façade.

I’ll buy what you’re selling
My nature’s not refined
So this gear will rig me out
And fill the void I wish to leave behind.
Consume the smoke, sweep the ash,
Choke on all the false relationships
Tempted to itch the bleeding rash.

No surprise that I faltered
That I slipped on your weary alter
I refuse to bow down to higher things
Because my back aches,
I’ve been hunched over for too long.
I’m tired of being minuscule
Tied to God in a molecule.

So strike a match and let it burn
Let it fall onto dry grass
We’ll so them our rage
Each page I painted in pencil
To show my anger without getting angry
And I still paint the pages,
But with spaghetti words.

Pushed Off the Edge of My Sanity

I jumped off a cliff
But he made me do it
Drove the car twenty miles
Out of town to surprise me
He was always devising
Plans to make him look sharp
And make me appear blunt.

“So go ahead…”
Was what he said
“…Tip over the edge of sanity.
It’ll cause but a ripple
In the course of humanity.”
But now that I think about it
Did I jump or was I pushed?

Pushed off the edge of my sanity…
Yeah, that sounds about right.

Under a Microscope

Have you ever felt like you're barely human? As if everyone is out to ridicule you? To find the faults in everything you think, do and say? It's always, corrections, corrections, corrections. I'm not perfect. Who the fuck said that you were? Why the hell do you have the position of authority to ridicule me, when you are just as spineless? But I'm not like you, I'm not like you at all. I am a poet, I'm a writer. I sit alone in the dark with one candle to light a corner of my room and I write poetry, I think, I seclude myself, while you are out there, ridiculing me, ridiculing them and poisoning your own heart. But I've got no authority to ridicule you, because my heart's just as poisoned, my heart's just as black. I'm just as bizarre, as crazy, as insane, as troubled and as vulnerable as you. I'm standing on a train station platform. There are two trains in front of me, waiting fro me. Printed on the side of one of the trains, there is the word, "Religion". And on the other train, the word "Science" is printed. They're both waiting for me to get onboard. So I turn around and walk home.

Fuck you.

Thoughts on Revelation, "The End Times", God, Christianity blah, blah, blah...

Recently, I've been thinking a lot about the end of the world, in Christianity's terms: "The Rapture" and "The End Times". I also have been studying the biblical book of Revelation, apparently written by St. Paul the Divine.

It appears that many Christians will say nowadays, "We're in the End Times..." because of numurous earthquakes/natural disasters, or new presidents (e.g Barack Obama which some people classify as the Anti-Christ) and pandemics like the swine flu (which is a load of rubbish I think, nothing more than a single pixel blown up by the media). Thousands of people today believe that we are apporaching Jesus' second coming very, very soon.

I've heard pastors preaching in the past, and they'll say to the congregation, "Well brothers and sisters, we've all read the end of the book, and we win!" It sickens me to hear that statement. I always thought to myself, "Do we really win?" These Christians that sat beside me in church services strongly believed that every word printed in the Bible was sacred and undoubtedly true. There couldn't even be the possibility that Bible was false, and I had grow up to believe the exact same, until about a year ago, but that's a different story.

Okay, let me begin by summing up an event that will apparently take place here on Earth in "x" number of years.

In a place called Armageddon, there is said to take place an incredible battle between good and evil; Jesus and the Devil. Armageddon is actually a real place and still exists today, not far from Jerusalem. The Devil and his evil army of rulers and kings of the world will swarm over the plains of Armageddon. From the sky on white horses, Jesus will come with his good army of angels and will slaughter the Devil in an epic war. Jesus will then cast the Devil into a lake of fire and there will be no evil on Earth for 1000 years.

So what we have here is a battle against the forces of good and evil. I'm not sure I can bring myself to believe it though; the idea that everything inscribed within the Bible will definately happen. Not only does this feeling of mine concern this particular event, but it also applies to the entire book of Revelation, and the entire Bible.

In many ways, I fear what the Bible prophesizes. I fear that I will not go to heaven, that I will burn in hell and that what I've pushed away will turn out to be the truth. That's what I despise about religion, about putting your faith in something. You really do have to put your faith in it. You have to believe that what you've questioned and the deductions you've made are correct. It's like taking a leap in the dark; you don't know if you're really falling off a cliff to your impending doom, or if you'll land safely on your feet.

Why do we have to believe anything? Why do we have to know everything? Why must there be anything to know, or believe? Sometimes, I wish that it was as simple as, "we live, then we die..." instead of having to trust in something that you can never quite prove to the most infinite extent. If God exists, why the hell does he have to put you through so much crap? Why does he have to test us? Why does he want us to do all these things? Why is it that He suddenly decided, "Oh, let's create the whole universe, knowing that sin will enter the world and the Lucifer will try to do everything in his power to stop my son Jesus from dying on the cross to save humanity from their sins, so they can come to heaven with me."? What on Earth was Gods motive?

And I'm tired of being told, "God works in ways we can't understand". To me that just sounds like an excuse that Christians use to patch up the faults and parts of their religion that they don't understand.

To me, christianity is just a made up concept that people have blindly copied from their ancestors and chosen to keep it alive. I can't take anymore of it.

Nature...

Nature is a prophetic cycle of birth, life, growth and death. Nature is an all-knowing, astute marvel that has been, and is continually present through the ages.

Does Destiny Exist?

It’s quite typical for someone to say that “It was your destiny…” to do something. It appears that some people believe that destiny is a concrete concept that automatically is existent when we’re born. I for one do not exactly believe so.

I think that destiny/fate is like a template for our lives. It is a mere guideline for our existence, but we do not necessarily have to follow the guideline. Depending on circumstances, our actions and our decisions, we can alter our destinies. Our fate is the framework for living.

For example: what if I was destined to become a doctor, but I decided I would leave school at sixteen and take drugs, resulting in my early death etc etc. My destiny; that framework would be pointless at that stage, as the decisions made by myself, altered what was apparently destined to occur.

Destiny, is not rigid, it is merely a template.

Social Anxieties or Shyness?

I don't know if I'm stretching it too far to say that I think I might me anti-social, or possibly even have "social anxieties". A lot of the common symtoms of social anxiety apply to me, and I guess I do find it hard to talk to new people and to bring up conversations. It's kind've sad to admit it, but I think it's true.

One thing that gets me is, I hate making eye contact while I'm talking to a new person. I know it's rude, and I shouldn't do that, but I can't help it. It distracts me and I end up not being able to concentrate on what I'm talking about. I can make eye contact whilst listening to the other person speak, but it's whenever it's my turn to chirp in, I just can't. I really don't know why, maybe I'm nervous or scared to make eye contact.

I get uncomfortable talking to new people. God, I hate that fact. It won't be that way for long though, because after the Summer holidays, I'm going to high school and I'll be seperated from my usual buddies most of the time, and will have to talk to new people and make friends. All I can really do is be myself and try my best to get along with people. Besides, making eye contact is important, even in a job interview situation, you've got to show your "possibly future boss" that you've got nothing to hide and you can look them in the eye. Anyway, I'm going to work at it so wish me luck. See you later alligators!

A for Art, S for Science

To me, art is a part of me. I would feel incomplete if art did not exist. I wouldn't be able to write, draw, play music or think artistic thoughts. In fact, we would all be limited to this logiccal state of thinking and expressing ourselves. Without creativity it seems, we would just be robots.

When I think of art, I think of EVERYTHING. Art makes my heart race and my mind travel to places unimaginable. I think of the many artists and great thinkers of the past, those who observed nature and sketched pictures in notebooks. Those who were curious about the world around them. People who didn't need extremely advanced technology to do the thinking for them. I guess, in some ways, the engineer if the technology is resonsible, but if the person was intelligent enough to create the machine, you'd think the person would be clever enough to figure a few things out for theselves.

Of course though, we do need rely somewhat heavily on technology for scientific discovery. For example, space travel. God, wouldn't it be absolutely amazing to go to space. I find simply looking up at a starry night incedible, but actually seeing the moon up close, stars, planets...It just let's my imagination run wild.

The point I'm making here is that technologie is brilliant in some instances, but we cannot rely souly on machines to do the work and discoveries for us. Artists, scientists and great thinkers of the past built the foundations that we are currently building upon ourselves. Mankind without a doubt will strive to exceed its boundaries in regards to science, art and religion and expand it's knowledge by going to all kinds of lengths. I just hope the know how far to go though. I mean, I'm all for discovery, but I don't want it all to end in tears.