Update

Greetings to all! It has been many months since I last posted a blog, and I will use the typical excuse of being very busy. For now, I simply don’t have the energy to go in much detail about why was preoccupied, but I will ‘update’ you as it were.

As far as I know, I will not be posting any further chapter reviews of ‘The Hobbit’ by J.R.R Tolkein. Reason being that it’s so time consuming and tedious. However, perhaps in the future I’ll do a complete review of the book instead of commenting on each individual chapter.

Speaking of books, I’ve been reading a lot lately. Examples are, Moby Dick, Northern Lights (yes, I still had to finish it), The Lovely Bones, Martyn Pig, The Tomb of Hercules and a range of other books. I plan to get into the habit of visiting the public library weekly again. I may as well make good use of my library card.

Photography, as usual, is something which I do daily. I’ve taken dozens of pictures during the past few months.

'The Hobbit' by J.R.R Tolkien (Ch.1)

The following is going to be somewhat a regular thing that I'll do. Currently, I am reading 'The Hobbit' by the infamous Tolkien himself. It was recommended by a good friend and I was asked if I could review each chapter after reading them. I've now read up to chapter V since I began reading yesterday afternoon. I might be able to finish all five chapter reviews today, but we'll have to wait and see.

'The Hobbit' by J.R.R Tolkien
Chapter I

This book tells the adventurous tale of Bilbo Baggins; an unambtious hobbit who lives in a comfortable hobbit-hole in Bag End. He is whisked off by a wise wizard called Gandalf and a company of dwarves to raid the treasure hoard of Smaug the Magnificent dragon.

So far, this book has been a great read and highly enjoyable. Although, I felt that in the beginning of the first chapter, my gauge of interest soared up and down intermittingly. It was gripping up until the tenth page, wherein fourteen dwarves begin to arrive at Bilbos' hobbit-hole in small groups or individually. This should've a somewhat important starting point in the book, but it was written in such a repetitive uninteresting way that I found myself wishing that the story would hurry along abit.

But the story does hurry along after four pages when Gandalf and Thorin Oakenshield the dwarf arrive at Bilbos' home.

In summary of what occurs in this chapter, Gandalf, the company of dwarves (or dwarfs as you're told to write the plural of dwarf in the book) and Bilbo all discuss the raid and journey ahead. Bilbo of course, has no idea why thirteen dwarves are in his house gobbling up his cakes, tea and beer. And he also doesn't have a clue what matter is at hand. But Gandalf chose Bilbo to accompany them on the journey to be the burgular. All the dwarves have been told that this little hobbit is a professional, yet he is most certainly not. Bilbo however, goes along with it and they embark on their epic journey.

I must say though, it is an impressive book and is written very accurately. Tolkien creates a whole other world that grips you and sends your imagination reeling at the possibilities that could unfold. He does have a narrative style of writing. I can picture someone telling this tale around a huge campfire. It's hard to believe that this book was originally written for Tolkiens' children, but met instant acclaim once published.

A facinating read so far.

part of the beach

death of an unborn personality

Un-learn me,
hit the refresh button
revive, restore, rewind
until I’m a blank slate.
An unborn personality.
Then you can study me
better this time around.

Coffee, Strangers and Black Biro

I’m sitting in Starbucks
with a mocha flake in hand.
I love coffee shops.
The rich scent of coffee beans,
the relaxed atmosphere,
their idiosyncratic nature.
There’s a girl at the back
quietly sipping a cappuccino
there’s a scruffy book
sitting on her table and
a napkin with a coffee ring stain.
I can tell something’s bothering her
she looks like she’s waiting for someone
she keeps looking all around the shop,
out the window at the street and into
her coffee intensely, as if she’s absorbed
in her own straying thoughts as she
looks at the froth and chocolate powder.
She looks up and notices me staring
I turn away quickly, quite embarrassed,
although, from the corner of my eye,
I can see her smile. It makes me feel good.
I watch her scribble something on her napkin.
She checks her watch, takes one last swig of coffee,
lifts her book and puts her coat on to leave.
As she walks passed my table
she places the stained napkin in front of me
and exits the shop doors.
Some words are written in black biro,
“You look like the perfect stranger.”
I smile.

A Darker Dream

The world is entering a phase. Bare feet greet marble floor. Coldness shoots up through my toes and soles. The universe feels ambiguous and vague. Spiralling, unwinding, dizzy. Everything is frozen. Suspended between existence and non-existence. Glass is slowly falling. As if gravity is gradually gaining weight, but isn’t heavy enough to let the glass plunge. Suddenly, the glass cascades to the ground. It smashes into millions of microscopic shards that bounce across the black marble floor. Everything re-gains speed. Pots, glass, sand and soil collapse from the ceiling all around me. I stand firm. Barely existing in this reality. Hanging between this realm and the next.

Memories rewind in my head. Past experiences flicker. Moments I never knew I created, yet here they are. How can I see them so vividly now? How can one see yesterday, today? I can faintly hear the smashing of everything around me. The noise is growing. Increasing rapidly. Louder and louder. I snap out of the recollection and my black atmosphere collides with itself with immense force. Like a tornado consuming its own validity.

Then I woke up.

When I got out of bed and opened the window, the air outside was flat. It felt motionless and leaden. The room was cold. My warm flesh tingled as it became acquainted with the air. It was a new morning. A new day to do nothing.

I felt hazy and indefinite. Not only that, but I didn’t have a sense of time. It didn’t feel early neither did it feel late it the morning. It was somewhere in between. Nowhere.

I didn’t know what to do. I felt as if I’d woken up in a different body, or rather, I’d woken up in the same body, but it was inside that felt unfamiliar. I just sat there on my bed and listened to the silence. It was so pristine and clear. The stillness around me was continual.

I tried to trace why I felt the way I did. It wasn’t a bad feeling, just unusual and new. I somewhat liked it, but simply couldn’t unearth its origin.

I then brushed my teeth with the same toothbrush I used yesterday, and the day before, and the day before that … The sink looked deeper than usual. I felt my face melt into the plug hole. It felt intensely hot as it drooped. I turned on the tap and watched flesh, cartilage and blood swirl downwards.

I painted today.

Tried painting today.
It was fun.
I haven't done it in ages,
but I'm glad I did.

In the Name of your Religion

I want to ask you a question. Don’t worry; it’s a reasonably easy question that you can answer painlessly, if you try. And through my asking of this question, do not think lesser of me. After all, it’s just a question.

Would you treat me the same if I didn’t believe in your religion?

What’s the matter? Cat got your tongue? Ah, I see what it is.

I guess you don’t care for me as much as I thought you did.

Waiting for the Train

I come here everyday
planning to buy a ticket,
but can never decide
whether to get the return
or take the one trip ride.

My stomach feels like
a washing machine
spinning a heavy brick,
all these falling raindrops
have made the platform slick.

I’m balancing on a train track
slipping on the grimy plaque
watching people pass on by
it might be raining, but I’m still dry.

And so I sit on a wet bench
that looks out onto the track
while a train man paces with
his strong shoulders and back.

He whistles as he goes
and I stare at hungry pigeons
I want to know what they know,
does the train man have religion?

I’m balancing on a train track
slipping on the grimy plaque
watching people pass on by
it might be raining, but I’m still dry.

A tracksuit girl comes out of the ticket box
She drinks a can of fizzy pop
“What time is the train?”
“Six thirty seven,” the train man explains.
She throws the can into the bin,
and walks back in.

I’m balancing on a train track
slipping on the grimy plaque
watching people pass on by
it might be raining, but I’m still dry.

I don’t know where I’m going
but I know where I’ve been
this old flower ain’t growing
without a moist seed to begin.

I’m balancing on a train track
slipping on the grimy plaque
watching people pass on by
it might be raining, but I’m still dry.

I’m waiting for the train…

Hide the Evidence

I’ve got a rusty old bike
to which I’m shackled and chained
you’re the cryptic driver
and I’m the one in pain
you said you’d take me for a ride,
(that was fourteen years ago)
there’s a time when birth and death collide
I just never knew it would be this slow.
I’ve got a chain that needs some feeling,
a frame that needs some rest
when I jump to bed I rise to the ceiling
(and when I get a shower I’m fully dressed).
We’re all just riding through the mire
that gets plastered on our tyres
then you have to work for eight empty hours
to pay to scrape it off.
We spend most of our money on cases of beer
to help us feel like bigger men and pulverize the fear
When was the last time you brushed your hair
or found some clean clothes to wear?
Amongst the mess of this wasted life,
hide the evidence, disguise the knife.

the fine line between life and death

I'm a girl with a camera, so what?

Because I take pictures any time I step out the door, it's not out of the ordinary for people to stare when I've got a camera in hand. Apparently, it's completely bizarre to take a camera out onto the street. Often when I'm walking along the main road I'll be looking around me quite attentively to scout out interesting images. I can understand how that would attract attention from passing cars, especially when I'm holding a camera, but people gaze at me as if I've got eight heads! What's up with that?

Perhaps they're worried I'm going to snap a picture of them. I could, if I wanted to, but I don't. I don't go around taking pictures of people willy nilly. Besides, why on earth would I want to take a picture of a motorist with his face sour at me? And it's hardly a striking image, is it? I remember once I was outside doing photography and I'd climbed over a small 3ft wall at the entrance of an estate. I had my camera resting on the wall as I was leaning on it. The main road faces this wall, and a red car indicated to go into the estate whos wall I was standing by. The driver gave me a sickening look when he saw my camera.

Another reason for people to stare at me could be just genuine curiousity. I understand how people can be interested to know what I'm taking a picture of or why I have a camera outside. But I mean, come on, what's with the faces? Is it impossible for a young person to have a hobby? It's not like I go flaunting my camera around. I do photography discreetly and make sure I don't point the camera at anyone but myself. You may glance, yes, but don't burn a hole in my face with your stares.

simple beauty can be better

I am a starseeker

I am a starseeker
a hunter of the night,
collecting wisdom from silver dust.
Fiery silence, open skies
look down upon sleeping countrysides
and sullen cities,
waiting for a morrow not promised,
resting on dreams yet fulfilled.
Stars are really just the holes to heaven,
the gaps of bliss, keyholes to the afterlife.
The night sky is just a thin film
seperating us from all of the above:
The world of dreams,
of mythology and fantasy.
The fine line between fact and fiction
is drawn right above our heads,
and only those with their own heads
in the clouds, know such truths as this.

i want to feel the ground i walk on

My Childhood Videogame

“Expose the Conspiracy. Capture the Truth.
For centuries, the planet Hillys has been locked in conflict with a race of relentless alien invaders.
Wary of her government's promises to repel the aliens for good, a rebellious action reporter named Jade sets out to capture the truth behind the prolonged war.
Armed with her camera, dai-jo staff, and fierce determination, Jade soon finds herself inside the jaws of a horrific conspiracy, and face to face with an evil she cannot possibly fathom.
In a world where deception is the deadliest weapon of all, will Jade's discoveries be enough to free her people?”

The above text is a brief summary of the storyline of my favourite (under-rated)video game, ‘Beyond Good and Evil’ by Ubisoft. BG&E is an action-adventure game that was available on Play Station 2, PC, Game Cube and the original Xbox formats. I myself played the game on an Xbox. Back then, video games were still being developed for the Xbox format. Nowadays, considering very few people have an Xbox console, no game companies are willing to develop a game for it, which I accept, as the company does have to make some sort of profit. It is very disappointing though.

I first bought the game about five years ago, but when I first played the game I actually didn’t like it. Well, I guess I wasn’t giving the game a fair chance when I think about it now. I just gave up when I got stuck and impatient. Although, my opinion of this fabulous game was about to dramatically change.

My friend came to my house one afternoon and we both decided to play videogames. We played a couple on my Xbox, but she kept on wanting to try ‘Beyond Good and Evil’. So I gave in and popped in the disk. From the very beginning of the game, my friend was intrigued, and when we put both our heads together, we were able to get further. I discovered that day that in BG&E the main character, Jade was capable of using a camera to take pictures and she could fight badass; you could drive a hovercraft all over Hillys (the planet) and we managed to get ourselves half-way into our first mission.

That’s all it took to get me hooked. I was driven by the storyline, the graphics were fantastic and characters were absolutely lovable. Especially Jade. She had this really attractive simplicity about her and a tomboyish appearance with feminine charm. Her personality was beautiful to. She was ambitious, brave, confident, yet sensitive and very caring.

The missions caused you to explore, use logic and the game really packed a punch in my emotions with the plot. The music? My God, the music was exceptional! You grew to love the characters and just have fun. Two friends and I played that game. They both bought it and we played it to the very end. Thus, BG&E has a very sentimental value to all three of us, and I go so far as to say it’s part of my childhood. Without my friends in the equation, it wouldn’t have been the same.

Beyond Good and Evil website:
http://www.beyondgoodevil.com/us/main.php

Brief Thoughts on Photography

I came across a terrific quote today while I was browsing around 'thinkexist.com'. The quote was this:

"Photography takes an instant out of time, altering life by holding it still."
~ Dorothea Lange, American documentary photographer

For me, this thirteen word quote encapsulates what photography means to me personally. When I head out the door to do some photography, my goal is to take instants out of time. To alter life by holding it still. Photography allows me to freeze moments that we take for granted in every day life, and give them a completely different meaning and perspective. Life has so many dimensions, and I desire to try to snap them before they flucuate once more. Emotions and expressions on people's faces can be lost within seconds of them being shown. But with a camera in hand I can freeze the moment, capture the expression before it disappears. Before it is lost. And I find that the best photography--the true photography--is done when the subject doesn't even know they're being captured. Do you realise the shots one could get? It's amazing the end result you get when you take a picture of someone when they don't know you are. It brings out their true self. People tend to act almost fake for the camera. Most folk smile for the camera. It's a done thing I suppose. Not many frown when someone points a camera in their direction. So that is why like to secretly take pictures of others. It captures people as they are in that moment. How they are feeling in that instant. For me, that's the beauty of it.

Another thing I wanted to say regarding the above quote, is that the brilliant thing about photos is that they never die. You can always look back on moments and experiences. Some good, and some not so good. But that's also why we should show our true emotions in pictures, because when we look back on them, we'll be able to say and remember how we were feeling. It'd be a sin if all pictures feautured smiling people, because that's not how life is. We don't smile all the time. And I guess with photography, in contrast to fun pictures of a day out, it's more vital to show emotions instead of smiling because it's more artistic. People are more obligated to smile, let's say for a trip to the zoo, than an artistic shot.

For me anyway, I want to show how I feel in pictures. Almost like a visual diary, I guess. Since I bought my camera this year, I've taken over 2,000 images already. That's a lot of memories to look back on!

Goodbye Braces!

(Dentist inspects my teeth, then smiles)

"Naomi, what do you think of your teeth?" he said.
"I think they're alright." I replied.
"So do I."
I smile.
"I think I'm going to take your braces off today, is that okay?"
"Yes." I grinned.

And that's all there was to it.

Two Aging Oaks

I’m beginning to remember what I’d previously forgotten
about you and I, about them and it.
“It” being life. Existence--for what it’s worth.
We were the seeds of “it”, of life.
Scattered onto soil, sometimes rocky and barren,
other times moist and fertile.
We were forced to grow, made to sprout roots
and weave them into the ground.
“It” makes the sun burn and the clouds rain.
“It” makes us desire to grow.
“It” makes us crave to have a purpose.
And so we grew, matured within ourselves
From sapling to tree, we enjoyed the process of becoming.
Our roots were firm, our bark was smooth
and our enormous branches flourished with leaves.
But then they came.
They are unlike us.
They are thieves.
Many wings of ravens open out like umbrellas
circling our tree tops, cawing with delight
as they take up residence on our branches.
They peck at our bark.
They snap off our twigs
They build their flora nests here.
Our roots have aged, our bark has hardened
And our branches are weaker than ever.
But I have no doubt that there will come a day
when the ravens won’t utter a sound,
when the skies will clear,
and their nests will fall to the ground.

Where the air is the temperature of your skin...

I can safely say that it's been ages since I typed up some sort of blog post here. The reason for that is that I've been outside a lot more. Two friends and I are building a hut for ourselves in small forest area alongside a river. We found an old saw lying around, brought a hammer, a shovel and some nails too. So far we've cleared the forest floor of debris, dug some foundations and have sawed and collected lots of tree branches for the walls of the hut. It's been really good fun and the weather is sublime.

There's something about being out amongst nature with a couple of friends whilst the sky is void of clouds and the sun is beaming. A warm, gentle breeze caused the trees to sway in a hypnotic motion. The river was glistening in the sun and a huge flock of birds twirled beautifully in the sky. It's a santuary. Our place. There's no other people or noise, it's just us.

It's seems that before now, I'd forgotten how to be human...

Religion Prohibits the Expedition of Knowledge

From where I stand, Christianity strives to eliminate one of many things: the human expedition of knowledge. I can explain this in numerous ways, and can provide the evidence too. But first, let me begin by saying that I do not believe that the Bible is the true word of God. I consider it nothing more than an elaborate work of fiction, created by men who wish to control masses via fear and false prophecies.

All throughout the Bible, there are what I call, "leakages" wherein the text reveals more than what it had intended. Let's not forget the brutal genocides commanded by God on men, women and children in the Old Testament where God is known as destructive, powerful and ruthless. But only to remarkably change in the New Testament to become an all-caring, peaceful, lover-of-children. It was still the same God. The Father, the Son and the Holy Spirit, the God in three persons, right? So how come the remarkable change? The same yesterday, today and forever?! This used to be a God that instructed his followers to slaughter masses because of differences in race and religion! Then, he suddenly transformed into a man who was graceful and caring? Another "leakage".

Logic is one of those things that ruffles religions' feathers. Religion relies on faith to keep men and women fooled into believing. Logic destroys the need for faith, so religion loses followers and therefore power. The only way religion can maintain its power, is to eliminate the expedition of knowledge. To destroy every resource of logical information, or at least fool people into not using their own brains. In fact, in most cases religion imposes fear and guilt upon people to prohibit them from knowledge and the exploration of the truth.

How did sin apparently enter the world? The expedition of knowledge, that how. Not believe me? Look at the first chapter of Genesis and you'll find the answer. Eve, the first woman on earth, took fruit from the Tree of Good and Evil to acquire knowledge, and because of this God got angry and sin entered the world. There you have it.

From the very beginning, religion has hated the expedition of knowledge. It can't survive if the truth is revealed. Powerful men want to control you, religion desires to bound you.

Retro Arcade Gaming

I've really been getting into arcade retro gaming lately. Good games like Space Invaders, Raiden, Asteroids, Galaga, Pacman and some old Mario stuff. There's just something so simple about them that makes them lovable. It's nothing but gaming. Fun (and addictive mind you ;-), wholesome gaming.

My highscore on Raiden is 320440. Not bad for a first try? I only got to level 2.

This is what gaming is all about!

"It's 6:30am..."

Well, this is an early blogpost! It's 6:30am (on the dot) on this beautiful Saturday morning and I'm feeling great. I've been up since 6:00am, had myself some breakfast and am currently drinking a nice hot mug of coffee. Oh wait...make that lukewarm now...Eww... Ha! I'm still happy.

Why am I up so early on a Saturday? What am I waiting for?

I'm up early, because I want to head outside early to take photographs. Yeah, yeah, har har, laugh it up. I know it may seem funny and stupid for me to go out so early to just take a couple of pictures, but in truth, photography is something I take seriously. I don't just take pictures because I've got a camera, I take pictures because it's my passion. There's so much out there that I haven't already explored, and I'm hungry for the opportunity to walk on new ground, smell new scents, see new things and be able to capture all the incredible imagery on camera.

There's something about the world in the morning. The world itself is waking up. The skies, the animals, the people, and traffic soon streams along busy roads. I find it facinating watching the whole process unfold and progress until finally slowing down in the evening. Besides, it affords the chance to see the sunrise, (which I sadly missed this morning) and if you know me well enough, you know I like sunrises and sunsets very much indeed.

So anyway, I actually have little to say, and have no reason in particular for making this blogpost. So on that very note, I shall bid you good morning (or whatever time it is where you are)!

Buy Experiences, not Material Possessions

Today in school, my class met a rather inspirational lady. She was quite old, I'd say in her mid to late sixties, but she was stepping in for our usual Home Economics teacher as she was ill.

So this lady began talking to us about all kinds of things. Although she was teaching us what she was supposed to, every now and then she'd entwine a story from her own life that related to the subject. I personally thought she was a very good speaker, and kept me deeply interested. I gathered that she was the type of person who has saw many a thing, and is humble about that very fact. She seemed to want to share herself with us, even though it was our first meeting with her.

There was one thing in particular that she said which I could relate to so very much. She said, "I buy experiences, not material possessions I don't need." We were on the subject of shopping ethics and were discussing how we as consumers, consume so many things that we don't need. Beforehand she had told us that after she took early retirement, she decided to travel the world in order to experience new things.

Anyway, I thought what she said was bang on the nail, and represented so much of what I believe. What she was saying was that she buys moments; real life memories and experiences that will live with her until the day she dies. I find that spectacular. I'd rather buy experiences than a product from a shop shelf which I probably will never need. I think in our modern culture, we're brainwashed into believing that the only way we can achieve happiness, is to hoard up our houses with material things. We're told to consume, consume, consume until the huge void in your life gets filled up. But you see, it's never going to be filled with material goods. Experiences are the most important thing you and I have got, and I think too much of us are taking them for granted.

It's people like the lady I met today that I feel give our race a hope for the future. I find the way in which man can treat and decieve man can be completely and utterly shameful. The way businessed and governments try to turn us into puppets on their strings.

Cyclists VS Motorists

I've just returned home from a short bike ride along the same route that I've been going down daily for the past few months. It's only a ten minute ride but it gets me some fresh air and stretches my legs a bit. I'm beginning to feel that my stamina is increasing too. When you're cycling a bike along the road, you can't afford to stop just because you're tired. You've got to keep going, and I always feel more determined to become faster day by day.

Anyway, whilst I was cycling along, I felt a familiar feeling. It's not an emotion I like to feel, but sometimes I do. It's the feeling that there's them (i.e the motorists) and then there's you (i.e the cyclist). When you make the comparison, it's easy to become intimidated by oncoming cars whizzing past you on the road. Cyclists often speak of a stigma that is held against them by motorists. I kind've feel that too occasionally, especially with me being a younger rider. Sometimes, not all, but sometimes, I feel conscious when a motorist goes by. I wonder do they think I'm some sort of wannabe kid that's going to get herself killed. Mostly I just say to myself, "They can think what they want, I'm here and I'm not budging."

It reminded me of many times that motorists have annoyed me in the past. Often cars won't give you adequate room as they overtake. They'll be inches from you as they pass and nearly squeeze you into the curb. By law, cyclists are allowed around one metre from the curb as to not buckle their tyres on gutters/drains or potholes. It frustrates me when cars don't take that into account and nearly hit you.

Here in Northern Ireland (and probably the rest of the world, I'm not sure) you get boy racers. Boy racers are these young lad drivers that rip down the roads like mad men, thus, they get the reptutation of being a boy racer. Anyway, I've had a few encounters with them too. What annoys me as a cyclist about them is when they fly past you and the sound of their exhaust takes you by surprise.

Apart from those minor instances, nothing huge has ever happened to me personally. I don't cycle in town or busy areas, simply because I feel it's too dangerous. I'm in want of a new helmet too as my current one (which I'm not wearing currently on bike rides) is too small for my head.

It's kind've sad in the end that this stigma exists between cyclists and motorists. Why can't we all just share the road? A bike is just as much as a vehicle as a car, and a car is just as much a vehicle as a bike. Deal with it people!

Writer's Self-Esteem

I've come to realise, (more through personal experience than anything) that it's really easy to have your confidence as a writer completely shattered. Becoming a writer involves the whole big ordeal of actually collecting ideas, producing work, trying to get it out there in the public eye (published) and then being willing to recieve critisism from readers/critics. For me though, the latter is something I've become pretty much adapted to. I've never had anyone tell me that they don't like my poem (so that's a good sign), but I've had people point out a particular part of a piece of writing and tell me what they did or did not like about it. I can accept critisism, which I'm actualy really glad I can. But the people who can't, will feel hurt that that critic or whatever, doesn't like their work, thus shattering their esteem. If I was a writer who couldn't have their work disliked, well, I wouldn't really be a good writer in the end.

But that's not really what I wanted to focus on in this blog post. I wanted to talk about how writers self-esteem's can get bruised when they compare themselves to other writers. Of course, this can have its benefits, but on the whole, I think it's wrong to do. I myself have performed this action umpteen times and can say that 90% of the times I do, I feel completely deflated. That other 10% result? Well, that's the positive side to things. I usually will feel inspired, empowered and generally positive. It's almost as if I get this huge boost to become as good as the writer I'm comparing myself to.

We always seem to compare ourselves to writers that we think are fantastic, and usually when we're at the amateur level of writing. How come we never compare ourselves to writers that we think are rubbish? Might that help us? Might it boost of self-esteem as a writer because we could say that we're better than that writer? I'm not sure. I don't really like looking down on any writer. Just because you don't like their style or whatever, it might not mean they're a bad writer. But still, maybe it can be used as a confidence boosting tool. I don't know...I guess we'll have to try it.

Fear is a Dream Killer

There's a guy named Earl on YouTube, (his account name is 'bikemessenger7') and in one of his videos, he was discussing how fear is a dream killer. He got some good responses, including one I believe from, 'conferencereport'. Anyway, the concept of the fear of losing holding individuals back from succeeding is definately a common thing nowadays. Well, in fact, it's been a constant issue with mankind.

I've experienced it on countless occassions, and I'm sure you as a reader have too. It's nothing that's out of the ordinary, and most of the time, we blow our fear way out of proportion and end up fearing something that hasn't even begun yet. The fact is, we don't want to face rejection or failure. We don't want to not get something that we really desire. So we as humans seem to enter/use this weird defense phase/mechanisim to protect ourselves from getting hurt or from failing. And that phase/mechanisim is to simply not try at all, because we're afraid.

It's hard to believe that we desire that thing so much, or that we want to succeed so badly, that we're willing to not even try to obtain it and make our dreams a reality.

Art "How to's": You don't Need 'Em!

For quite some time now, I've been guilty of looking up "how to's" on YouTube and Google. Specifically "how to do photography", "how to write a sonnet in iambic pentameter" or "how to write and publish a book" etc. So I was sitting at my computer, browsing through "how to do photography" web pages today when something finally dawned on me: why the hell am I doing this?

I realised in that moment that what I was doing was stupid. I take pictures, right? I enjoy taking my own pictures, right? I'm trying to grow as a photographer, right? Well then why turn to some other photographer to learn how they themselves take pictures and do their photography? I am not them. I don't want to learn their tips on how they do this and how they do that. Effectively, what I'm saying is, I don't want this information handed to me on a plate. I want to discover my own style and how photography, in my opinion should be done. I think if everyone copied everyone else's photography, pictures around the world would just be plain boring.

I've always said that art isn't something we can learn, it's something we must experience. No one can tell you how to paint a picture, what colours to use and how you should use them. No! You must discover these things for yourself. The same applies to my own art. I shouldn't be looking up on the internet how to do anything regarding art. Doing and experiencing anything is a trial and error process. You need to seek out what's best for you and what you're comfortable with. And that is something that no apparent professional can tell you how to do.

But sometimes I think that beginner's look for "how to's" so they can get an easy way out. They expect that the professional's advice will somehow transform them in an instant to become an exceptional photographer. Many end up learning the hard way that that's not the way the cookie crumbles and in the worst case senario, they give up. There is no easy way out to any craft. None. No spring time meadow you can run into. Like anything in life, you've got to work at. Artist's aren't born, they're made.

It's funny how little thing's like a YouTube search or Google inquiry can lead you to some pretty epic things. Well, in my opinion, this topic is epic, because, well, so many people mistake it for something else. I guess this could also relate to the whole idolism thing that goes around. Lots of amateur artists look up to the professionals. In some ways, I think that's okay, but on the other hand, I don't like it. I don't think artists should be looking up to others and following in their footsteps (although, I am guilty of doing so on many ocassions, but I shouldn't be). It's up to you to discover the ultimate style and artist within you, if you're passionate about it though. I'd say that to be an artist you need 3 things: passion, skill and great ideas. And those 3 aspects are things that you and I will have to pinpoint for ourselves.

So take your pictures, write your poems, paint on your canvas until you become an exceptional artist. But don't look up "how to's" on the internet or in books, because there's a style in us. We just got to find it.

Matter and Significance (random, silly, insignificant post)

Nothing really matters unless it matters most to what doesn't matter, well, that's just unimportant. For what cannot matter, doesn't matter and the world is no better or worse for that thing having no significance. For example, dear reader and/or blogger, this very blog post has little or no significance in the eyes of those who matter. Yes, I mean you. So that smile you just made is what matters most in relation to what does and doesn't matter, for what matters is completely of significance if you want it to be. It's all personal choice really as you, (who matters) already know. If you didn't already know such things, well, you don't matter. But who am I to say who and/or what does or does not matter. For everything matters really. Therefore everything that I just said does not matter. (Or does it?)Confused?

Burn Your Cold Feet

Piercing forevers spiral then plummet
to eventually arrive at death’s summit
I was once a kid who lived in Always
that vacant world I entered most days
Sunlight lands housing barren nations
hear the snap of apathetic affiliations
Under your feet I watched them fracture
breaking more that what you manufactured
You regret the damage after your fury
that put you on trial to please your own jury
because no one in Always can live complete
till they get a lawsuit and burn their cold feet.

Skint Amateur Hitmen

Skint Amateur Hitmen
05/04/2010, Tuesday, 2:40pm

Washed-out jeans and tattered jackets
contrasting the overcast skies,
clouds wrapped around blue like a packet
of cigarettes, of gum, of crisps,
stuffed into starving mouths
with dirty hands.
We get paid buttons for dirty work.

A backstreet job with many faults,
sirens be the soundtrack of course,
stabbing the head with fear and guilt,
pain piercing fertile hearts,
like a dart to a bulls eye
on a board in a rundown pub.

Bodies looking for protection
in the wrong direction,
making connections with higher people
on lower thrones.

I’m the one with the gun in my pocket,
but you pulled the trigger,
sending one fleeting bullet
cutting through the alley air
to kill the man who dared
to stare with the wrong kind of eyes
at our so called boss: the tyrant in a trilby.

Some Strangers are Never Strange Enough

Some strangers are never strange enough
they pop open champagne
and laugh at everything or nothing.
They pretend they’ve earned their luck
yet we’re all sitting ducks
waiting for rain, smudging the pain
and choking on my catchy refrain,
“Last years recession hit us all hard.”

Guess I’ve never been friends with my friends
outcasts bent like magnets pull this recluse
we know this old chum’s never been much use.
Can’t say I’ve ever cared what a friend thinks of me
except a stranger or maybe a lover bond to a greed
where I’m the driving force and they’re the noble steed.
Maybe we’re all just too depressed or too miserable
but why is it if you are, everyone thinks you’re inconsiderable?

I’m sorry for being born with a heart that’s partial
but it’s all these strangers that act as a marshal
to assemble linear thoughts and make them creative
so all the folks at home can call you innovative.
I’ve never been one to hold back a sincere thought
the most fascinating of strangers are rarely ever caught.
Can you forgive me for staring, dear stranger?
You just seem like the perfect thought re-arranger.

03/04/2010 By Naomi Hamilton

Dedicated to a good stranger, Steve.
Please visit his YouTube channel, BERSERKERpoetry.
Thank you.

it rained today...

It rained today. From the early hours of the morning, drops of rain have been falling from the sky. It is still raining, and it is now 8:20pm, Monday. I like the rain. The way it dances on the ground, how it spatters on my window and then lazily slides down the glass. It is beautiful to look at against the overcast sky. Apparently, it is to snow very heavily tonight and all this week. As I sat at my window and watched to rain fall, I thought I saw some snowflakes scattered among the raindrops. So I can now say that the snow began falling at 8:16pm for future references, not that anybody cares.

From my bed, I'm looking out the window. Thinking. Matthew's landing light is on. I can see it from here. The yellow hue is shining on the rain drops on my window. I can hear the train rumble by...Silence. Men can create the most exquiste sounds, but silence, is the most beautiful sound in the universe.

On my left, there is a lamp I turned on. I like it's light. Not too bright as to light up the entire room, but not too dim as to prevent me from being able to write. I haven't closed the cutains or blinds yet, even though it's getting dark. I don't want to shut out the world. I want to see and hear the rain drops and watch then glow in the light from Matthew's house.

The rain was very heavy this afternoon. I went for a walk in it. I took an umbrella, stepped outside, and just walked in the rain. It was perfect. The only sounds I couyld hear were the traffic, the rain pinging off my umbrella and the rain falling onto the ground all around me. I could hear the cars tyres snap against puddles by the curbs. I could hear the sound of water splash into gutters and drains. Every sound complimented each other. Every sound was needed.

I went to the river. I stood on the grating in the heavy rain with my umbrella, watching rain fall into the river, it's rippled forming circles that dispersed then disappeared. Only to be replaced by yet another falling raindrop, which in turn would do the same. I watched, mesmerized, as hundreds of circles formated, expanded and then vanished. I stood there for fifteen minutes, never taking my eyes off the water. I could feel the wind swirl around me, cold, yet comforting.

I can now hear another train...

Anyway, after about fifteen minutes, I decided to leave, but walked further still, and followed the road. Any road. I didn't care, as long as I was walking. I walked, I listened, I sensed, I saw.

I like the rain.

Mornings Rock!

Mornings are strange things. They are the beginning of the Earth's rotation upon it's axis, and yet, many consider them, "just mornings".

I have a very peculiar love for mornings. I am a morning person. There is a cheerful, positive emotion I consistantly feel every morning. I guess I always see the potential within them and the day ahead; the possibilities. I almost feel superhuman during them. As if I can conquer the world in a few hours. I get the idea that I can achieve so much in a short space of time. I have an uncontrollable outburst of inspiration.

So I plan this, and I plan that, but 80% of the things I wanted to do never pan out or don't seem as fulfilling as they did in my head. By the end of the day, when my head hits my pillow, I think, "Well that was a waste of time..." Do you ever get that? You think that an idea is incredible in your head but it never turns out the way you want it to in reality?

You'd think because this consistantly happens to me, that I'd just say, "What's the point?", but no, I keep feeling this strong outburst of inspiration every morning, and I'm glad that I do. Because without it, I don't think I'd have the strength to get up and actually do something with my life. If I didn't feel good in the mornings, I'd probably be a depressed individual.

Sunday Dog Walking

I've just came back from a walk with my dog, Zoe. She's a little West Highland Terrier, otherwise known as a Westie. I'm usually the one in my family who takes her for walks, feeds her and plays with her, but she's still the family pet.

For the past month or so, I've been taking her into a nearby field and letting her off the lead to run around and have a bit of freedom. She usually throughly enjoys it, and always comes home in a very relaxed mood and is content for the rest of the day. Today though, she was acting kind've peculiar. To get to the field, I have to walk with her right out of my neighbourhood and along a path on the main road. That then leads me into another small estate with the field just beside it.So I took Zoe here.

As we were entering the field, she kept stopping and tugging on the lead. I ushered her to come but she started to lie down and not budge. Each time I pulled her and commanded her to follow, she stopped and lay down in the field. Nevertheless, I wasn't going to allow her to have her way and control me instead of me being in control of her. So with some difficulty (she's a small dog, but quite strong and very stubborn) I got her to follow me deeper into the field. Once we began to walk further, I felt that she was getting more relaxed and was walking more consistantly. But, I was wrong. She continued to walk intermittedly and was obsessively sniffing every tuft of grass in the field! I kept saying in a firm voice, "Walk on." and she would, but only for another few feet. So I decided to put her lead back on and walk together around the perimeter of the field.

After a few minutes though, she got into the swing of things again, and started walking okay off the lead again. We had almost completed a full circuit of the field when I spotted an abandoned football. So I went over to it and started kicking it around, encouraging Zoe to play with it. She took no interest of it at first, but then, with persistence, she realised I was trying to play with her. I gently kicked the football towards her and she excitedly darted in the opposite direction. She was sprinting like crazy out of the field and towards tha main road. I was freaking out, yelling at her to stop and chasing after her. Before she got out though, I stopped her and clipped her lead on. I guess it wasn't really her fault though, she was just playing.

And then we walked back home. On my our way back I saw I police car stop another motorist. A policeman got out of his car and went over to the driver's window of the other. Didn't really nosy though. Wasn't my business.

I also saw the first bumble bee of the season. Rather early for them to be around I think.

Photography

These are a few examples of my photography. Check out my YouTube channel to see more!

Sleep Deprivation

I think over the Easter break my friends and I are going to camp out, but deprive ourselves of sleep for as long as we can. I like to challenge my brain. I'd love to see what something like that could do to me. We shall see...

The Gods have Blessed Us

Eros has blessed us and made us one.
You are Helios and I, Selene,
together we complete each other.

Morpheus controls our conduit
each rapid and surf we confront
But Tyche be with us, she be for us.

Flowers may whither in the scorching sun
the moon may not render the darkness,
but our affection shall never pass away.

For love was born to never die, subsisting
only by we who drink from its goblet.
We’re drunk with devotion, but not tainted.

Hekate will entertain us with lost magic
streams of golden sunshine from his palms
and rays of moonlight from his feet.

Tenderly borrowing each of our abilities
and uniting them, so that our radiance
will soar through the realm of the gods.

Typing Spontaneous Thoughts

The world is an undisovered place. We think we know so much about everything and anything in it, but do we? Can we really say that we know everything we need and wish to know? Of course some things can't be discovered, some things are just physically impossible to obtain, but can't we try? There are many on this planet who do not want to try. They have not accuired the desire to make a difference. To discover, and learn about the world around them. When will we realise that we can't rely souly on what our television screens tell us? How can we progress as a race if all we do is consume, work, come home and then plonk our asses on a couch to watch shitty T.V for 3 hours? Is that all we live for? Is that all we strive to achieve? I personally wish to always reach what exceeds my grasp. The dreams that I create now and build for now, will soon become reality if I want them to. Does no one else think such things? Does no one else look out the window and see such great potential beyond the horizon? For it is we who create our own horizon, and many are abandoning their chances to do so.

~Written on Notepad at 10:26AM Saturday 27 March 2010

By Naomi Hamilton

Thoughts on Writing

I don't have the text right now, but I did make like a "journal" entry for YouTube, so here it is:

I am not a Christian

If I had even considered becoming a non-Christian about 3 or 4 years ago, I would have been absolutely terrified of the idea. Now that I dwell on that fact, it actually makes me realise that religion is nothing more that a pacifier that makes people feel safe and part of a huge group. And if you aren't a part of it, you feel vulnerable and afraid of hell. This "follow the herd mentality" clicks into place, and you feel that if you don't become or remain a Christian, you will damned to hell and will suffer for eternity.

Religion is highly based upon fear and control. Controlling people, by making them fear particular things. Fearing God, hell, the devil, sin and anything that is abrasive with religion. Powerful men dictate to us how we should be, what we should and should not do and how we should do them. Everything about organised religion is very dominative and controlling.

Christianity has never been something that I was given the chance to judge for myself. It was a religion that I was constantly exposed to. My sub-conscious, while I was growing up, was being fed all this religious dogma, and it became almost my second nature to never, ever disagree with it. It was like one of those stories in the news that you ocassionally hear. Ones about children who grow up with wolves or chickens at an early age due to abuse, and then grow up to mimick the animals, and not act like humans. Why do they do that? Well, it's because the mannerisms of the animals around them, are all that these childrean have been exposed to, therefore is all they know. Religion for me was like that. I didn't have any outside knowledge about any other belief. All that I was fed was Christianity, Christianity, Christianity whilst growing up.

This type of dogma and control that circulates religion irritates me. Some of these Christians just can't wrap their head around the fact that someone can actually believe something other than Christianity. No one can disagree it seems. All there is to believe or care about or preach, is Christianity. Nothing else is true, nothing else can be true.

I've had enough. I'm no longer a Christian. I haven't been a Christian for a few months now, but I'm taking the time to formally announce it. I disagree with too many aspects of Christianity and religion in general, and I don't believe that I have to feel obligated to put my faith in something which I just don't consider true.

Believe what you want to believe.

Construction in Town and Trip to the Library

Today, like any other Saturday, I cycled down to the public library. I usually return some books and then borrow out some more if there's a good selection. I'd planned as soon as I got up at 7:30AM this morning, that I would go for an early morning ride to the library and around town. I wanted to leave quite soon because I knew that there would be a morning rush hour and cars would be consecutively streaming up and down the roads with people in them heading to work. Although, I wasn't particularly bothered about it. As long as I got out, any time suited me.

By the time I had breakfast, got ready and was out onto the road on my bike, it was around 9:30-10:00AM. Well, somewhere around that time. I'd decided to leave it a while because after I had my breakfast, that's when the real rush hour began and I didn't want to run into too much traffic. Anyway, I left the house, got onto the road and cycled into town.

When I got into the heart of town, I saw that serious construction was going on. They're refurbishing town. Putting down nicer slabs for the sidewalks and brightening things up abit. I already knew this, but it seemed to have gotton more chaotic and busier. Builders had cut off certain parts of streets and main public/pedestrian areas, so recently people have had to take detours to get around town and there has been more traffic jams around the centre of town due to the construction that's going on. I actually read an article in the paper last Sunday that was talking about how frustrated people in town are getting with the work that's going on. In the report people had said that they've been arriving late to work because they've been stuck in traffic jams. Anyway, back to the whole bike ride thing...

It just so happens that right outside the public library's main doors, there is extreme construction going on. But beforehand, before I even arrived at the library, a street that I usually go down was completely cut off and there was no access, especially when I was on a bike. So because of this, I had to take a detour the whole way around town to arrive at the library. When I finally got there, I had to squeeze my bike past a small little pathway the construction men had left.

Sigh. Well, to be honest, I'm glad that they're improving our wee town. But I just wish the construction was over so we could restore normality.

By the way, I got a new style of library card! I don't know why they decided to suddenly improve them.

The Guy with the Cigarette

I sat on a park bench, reading
traffic rumbled by like angry bears.
Across the street, across the road
outside a coffee shop, a young man stood.

A man of little wealth but rich in contentment
he stood rolling up tobacco into a cigarette
from his pocket he took a lighter, sparked it
then began to inhale the smoke.

I was distracted by him.
I had a strange urge to go over and say something,
but what could I possibly ask him?

I watched his movements.
The cigarette meet his lips
his chest rising and falling like the tide,
thick clouds of smoke drifting away.

He leaned against the wall
and rested his foot on it.
I thought he looked cool
standing like that with his cigarette.

There seemed nothing arrogant about him though.
He just wanted a smoke, that’s all.

As he did, he looked around.
Up and down the streets, at cars, people…
…and then at me.

My gaze was locked on his,
and his on mine.

He took one last drag of his cigarette,
threw it to the ground
and began to cross the road in my direction.

“Oh my God…” I thought.

When he stood on my side of the street,
my side of the road, he said,

“You wanna’ grab a coffee with me?”

Words For a Good Friend...

You are not a mistake. You are not an accident. You have a purpose. Part of your purpose is to discover your purpose, but your destiny is flexible. It is merely the framework for your existence, but does not control your path. Destiny is your path, but there will always be a fork in the road. A decision to make, a choice that no one else can make for you. However, that’s okay. There is no point in worrying about your life. Do not get distracted by every hurdle that you may face. For anxiety of what is to come, stops us from reaching our full potential and will prevent us from truly living in the present moment.

You are alive! There are incessant possibilities that await you, that will unfurl! Certainly there will be obstacles that you must confront, but you are resilient enough to over throw them! You are buoyant, you cannot sink. You are fierce, you cannot beaten. You are gifted, you cannot be psychologically slain.

Know that I am here for you as you play the game of life.

“You must be the change you want to see in the world.” -Mahatma Gandhi

I've come to the realisation that I can never change the world, if first, I do not change myself. Universal change can only occur once one has made the internal alterations. When one has destroyed all the negative "vibes" building up within you.

Think about it, have you ever snapped at someone because of an emotion or incident that happened previously during the day? Effectively, you've hurt that person because you were not in control of your negative emotions, or as some people like to call it, energies.

By being able to master negative energies, you and I, as people of this planet and society, can live our lives around positive attitudes and energies.

Not only internal change must occur, but exterior change to benefit our communities, family, friends, environment etc

say a little prayer

Say a prayer with mommy before bed
you’re head will fall onto your pillow twice as easy.
Let the unknowns of life melt away
because you’re certain He has you guarded
like a screen for the fire,
and you’re the raging soul
kept under control
between pillars of commandments
and the fear of being burnt.

Modern Day Hansel and Gretel

Sepia tone dusty roads
with all the nothingness you’ll never need
the world isn’t your playground,
it’s for the men in snazzy suits
to make a profit off you,
to pick up the dirty pennies
you drop along the road
from the hole in your pocket.
A Hansel and Gretel story
with an not so happily ever after.

Still Writing Spaghetti Words

You look in the mirror
And you’re the one who cracks
Fragmented and vexed
Grab some cigarettes
To calm you down,
Turn your frown into a mask,
A $5, cheap façade.

I’ll buy what you’re selling
My nature’s not refined
So this gear will rig me out
And fill the void I wish to leave behind.
Consume the smoke, sweep the ash,
Choke on all the false relationships
Tempted to itch the bleeding rash.

No surprise that I faltered
That I slipped on your weary alter
I refuse to bow down to higher things
Because my back aches,
I’ve been hunched over for too long.
I’m tired of being minuscule
Tied to God in a molecule.

So strike a match and let it burn
Let it fall onto dry grass
We’ll so them our rage
Each page I painted in pencil
To show my anger without getting angry
And I still paint the pages,
But with spaghetti words.

Pushed Off the Edge of My Sanity

I jumped off a cliff
But he made me do it
Drove the car twenty miles
Out of town to surprise me
He was always devising
Plans to make him look sharp
And make me appear blunt.

“So go ahead…”
Was what he said
“…Tip over the edge of sanity.
It’ll cause but a ripple
In the course of humanity.”
But now that I think about it
Did I jump or was I pushed?

Pushed off the edge of my sanity…
Yeah, that sounds about right.

Under a Microscope

Have you ever felt like you're barely human? As if everyone is out to ridicule you? To find the faults in everything you think, do and say? It's always, corrections, corrections, corrections. I'm not perfect. Who the fuck said that you were? Why the hell do you have the position of authority to ridicule me, when you are just as spineless? But I'm not like you, I'm not like you at all. I am a poet, I'm a writer. I sit alone in the dark with one candle to light a corner of my room and I write poetry, I think, I seclude myself, while you are out there, ridiculing me, ridiculing them and poisoning your own heart. But I've got no authority to ridicule you, because my heart's just as poisoned, my heart's just as black. I'm just as bizarre, as crazy, as insane, as troubled and as vulnerable as you. I'm standing on a train station platform. There are two trains in front of me, waiting fro me. Printed on the side of one of the trains, there is the word, "Religion". And on the other train, the word "Science" is printed. They're both waiting for me to get onboard. So I turn around and walk home.

Fuck you.

Thoughts on Revelation, "The End Times", God, Christianity blah, blah, blah...

Recently, I've been thinking a lot about the end of the world, in Christianity's terms: "The Rapture" and "The End Times". I also have been studying the biblical book of Revelation, apparently written by St. Paul the Divine.

It appears that many Christians will say nowadays, "We're in the End Times..." because of numurous earthquakes/natural disasters, or new presidents (e.g Barack Obama which some people classify as the Anti-Christ) and pandemics like the swine flu (which is a load of rubbish I think, nothing more than a single pixel blown up by the media). Thousands of people today believe that we are apporaching Jesus' second coming very, very soon.

I've heard pastors preaching in the past, and they'll say to the congregation, "Well brothers and sisters, we've all read the end of the book, and we win!" It sickens me to hear that statement. I always thought to myself, "Do we really win?" These Christians that sat beside me in church services strongly believed that every word printed in the Bible was sacred and undoubtedly true. There couldn't even be the possibility that Bible was false, and I had grow up to believe the exact same, until about a year ago, but that's a different story.

Okay, let me begin by summing up an event that will apparently take place here on Earth in "x" number of years.

In a place called Armageddon, there is said to take place an incredible battle between good and evil; Jesus and the Devil. Armageddon is actually a real place and still exists today, not far from Jerusalem. The Devil and his evil army of rulers and kings of the world will swarm over the plains of Armageddon. From the sky on white horses, Jesus will come with his good army of angels and will slaughter the Devil in an epic war. Jesus will then cast the Devil into a lake of fire and there will be no evil on Earth for 1000 years.

So what we have here is a battle against the forces of good and evil. I'm not sure I can bring myself to believe it though; the idea that everything inscribed within the Bible will definately happen. Not only does this feeling of mine concern this particular event, but it also applies to the entire book of Revelation, and the entire Bible.

In many ways, I fear what the Bible prophesizes. I fear that I will not go to heaven, that I will burn in hell and that what I've pushed away will turn out to be the truth. That's what I despise about religion, about putting your faith in something. You really do have to put your faith in it. You have to believe that what you've questioned and the deductions you've made are correct. It's like taking a leap in the dark; you don't know if you're really falling off a cliff to your impending doom, or if you'll land safely on your feet.

Why do we have to believe anything? Why do we have to know everything? Why must there be anything to know, or believe? Sometimes, I wish that it was as simple as, "we live, then we die..." instead of having to trust in something that you can never quite prove to the most infinite extent. If God exists, why the hell does he have to put you through so much crap? Why does he have to test us? Why does he want us to do all these things? Why is it that He suddenly decided, "Oh, let's create the whole universe, knowing that sin will enter the world and the Lucifer will try to do everything in his power to stop my son Jesus from dying on the cross to save humanity from their sins, so they can come to heaven with me."? What on Earth was Gods motive?

And I'm tired of being told, "God works in ways we can't understand". To me that just sounds like an excuse that Christians use to patch up the faults and parts of their religion that they don't understand.

To me, christianity is just a made up concept that people have blindly copied from their ancestors and chosen to keep it alive. I can't take anymore of it.

Nature...

Nature is a prophetic cycle of birth, life, growth and death. Nature is an all-knowing, astute marvel that has been, and is continually present through the ages.

Does Destiny Exist?

It’s quite typical for someone to say that “It was your destiny…” to do something. It appears that some people believe that destiny is a concrete concept that automatically is existent when we’re born. I for one do not exactly believe so.

I think that destiny/fate is like a template for our lives. It is a mere guideline for our existence, but we do not necessarily have to follow the guideline. Depending on circumstances, our actions and our decisions, we can alter our destinies. Our fate is the framework for living.

For example: what if I was destined to become a doctor, but I decided I would leave school at sixteen and take drugs, resulting in my early death etc etc. My destiny; that framework would be pointless at that stage, as the decisions made by myself, altered what was apparently destined to occur.

Destiny, is not rigid, it is merely a template.

Social Anxieties or Shyness?

I don't know if I'm stretching it too far to say that I think I might me anti-social, or possibly even have "social anxieties". A lot of the common symtoms of social anxiety apply to me, and I guess I do find it hard to talk to new people and to bring up conversations. It's kind've sad to admit it, but I think it's true.

One thing that gets me is, I hate making eye contact while I'm talking to a new person. I know it's rude, and I shouldn't do that, but I can't help it. It distracts me and I end up not being able to concentrate on what I'm talking about. I can make eye contact whilst listening to the other person speak, but it's whenever it's my turn to chirp in, I just can't. I really don't know why, maybe I'm nervous or scared to make eye contact.

I get uncomfortable talking to new people. God, I hate that fact. It won't be that way for long though, because after the Summer holidays, I'm going to high school and I'll be seperated from my usual buddies most of the time, and will have to talk to new people and make friends. All I can really do is be myself and try my best to get along with people. Besides, making eye contact is important, even in a job interview situation, you've got to show your "possibly future boss" that you've got nothing to hide and you can look them in the eye. Anyway, I'm going to work at it so wish me luck. See you later alligators!

A for Art, S for Science

To me, art is a part of me. I would feel incomplete if art did not exist. I wouldn't be able to write, draw, play music or think artistic thoughts. In fact, we would all be limited to this logiccal state of thinking and expressing ourselves. Without creativity it seems, we would just be robots.

When I think of art, I think of EVERYTHING. Art makes my heart race and my mind travel to places unimaginable. I think of the many artists and great thinkers of the past, those who observed nature and sketched pictures in notebooks. Those who were curious about the world around them. People who didn't need extremely advanced technology to do the thinking for them. I guess, in some ways, the engineer if the technology is resonsible, but if the person was intelligent enough to create the machine, you'd think the person would be clever enough to figure a few things out for theselves.

Of course though, we do need rely somewhat heavily on technology for scientific discovery. For example, space travel. God, wouldn't it be absolutely amazing to go to space. I find simply looking up at a starry night incedible, but actually seeing the moon up close, stars, planets...It just let's my imagination run wild.

The point I'm making here is that technologie is brilliant in some instances, but we cannot rely souly on machines to do the work and discoveries for us. Artists, scientists and great thinkers of the past built the foundations that we are currently building upon ourselves. Mankind without a doubt will strive to exceed its boundaries in regards to science, art and religion and expand it's knowledge by going to all kinds of lengths. I just hope the know how far to go though. I mean, I'm all for discovery, but I don't want it all to end in tears.

We Make a Vulnerable Pair

Don’t ever believe that I’ve vanished,
Although I’ve never really existed
I’ve just watched your movements
The way you slide your hand through your hair
And tuck it behind your ear
Your voice is faint, almost inaudible
It’s like listening to you underwater;
Your voice never carries.

I like your vulnerability
The way you’re seen but rarely heard
Carrying your bag from class to class
Alone.
I like your silence, I like your loneliness
You are real.

Mysterious ways on mysterious days
Can you see me in the shade?
Not many can but I sense that you do
There is a connection,
Don’t hang up, I’m out of change.

I like your vulnerability
The way you’re seen but rarely heard
I like your fragile continuity,
The way you’re fearless, but ever scared.

The Ass of a Rose (Among Other Things)

The Ass of a Rose (Among Other Things)

A house is just a building
It’ll never feel like home
So I roam landscapes of dreams
Making my escape from being alone.
They’re always keeping time
Emphasizing punctuality
Well it’s not my formality
I consider it not my prime.
Layers of dust on a girl’s cheek
I’m meek but not weak and
You can have that in writing.
Don’t spare me, be merciless
Cuz’ at the end of the day
You’re making your name
Look and smell like trash
That gets buried in the earth
For everyone to fear
As global warming makes
Them squirm, but I know
You’re just a myth, a lie.
Try to protect yourself
As you gently decompose
Smell like the ass of a rose
A fake scent, stiff as cement
And as false and my gran’s teeth.
So kick, punch, tear me
But all the while you do
I can see right through you
You’re as vulnerable as me
Sick and twisted you may be
But that’s hardly problematic
As that’s the way it’s always been.

Why Do People Hate the Rain?

Why do people hate the rain?
They hate it when their
Hair gets wet.
They hate it when their
Laundry is drenched outside.
But surely if everyone’s outside
In the rain, and everyone’s hair
Is getting wet, it doesn’t matter.
I like the rain.
I would stand with my head
To the heavens in a monsoon.

Art is Art. End Of Story.

Art is art. End of story.

No one can teach you how to create art. For art itself cannot be taught, it must be learned. No man has the capability to teach you what art is. For art is not a solitary idea, it has infinite definitions to each individual. An artist, is a practitioner of only one classification.

Art is art. End of story.

A Thirst For Knowledge

A predominant factor of my life is knowledge. I crave for knowledge. To keep me happy, lock me in a room with thousands of books on every subject with food, water, a camera and a computer, and that'll keep me content for a long time.

Right now, I feel like going to the library and borrowing tons of books ranging from science, religion, spirituality, art and poetry. I just have a thirst for knowledge and understanding beyond what they teach me in school.

Defending My Fellow Teenager! (EDIT)

Is it fair to give a broad label such as, “All teenagers are disrespectful, indolent and defiant!” to teenagers? No, I believe it is not. The older generation often look down upon the youth of this era, as if undoubtedly, every single young person on planet Earth is a lazy, foul-mouthed slob. In our modern society, people have grown to be rather inequitable in regards to their opinion of teenagers. I consider it my duty, as a teenager myself, to pull my age bracket out of the false reputation that society has fabricated.

It appears that many people think teenagers habitually make wrong decisions in relation to their education, social and personal life. Anyone with even a small amount of intellect can distinguish that that statement only applies for a minority of young people. Everyone, be they a teenager, adult, black or white, should not all be filed under a bad reputation. Teenagers are human; they make mistakes as we all do! They too have ambitions for their future. It is undeniably true that these false accusations are unfair and are nothing but biased lies. To prove my point to an even further extent, I will give you an example of a teenage genius.

Ali Moeen Nawazish, a charming 18-year-old from Pakistan, took 23 A-levels in a single year and received grade A in all but two examinations. He did so exceptionally well, that he earned a place at the University of Cambridge, one of the top five universities in Europe. There are thousands more young people like Ali who strive for greater things and work hard to obtain them.

Adults will often complain about how teenagers are becoming disrespectful and ill-mannered. The culpability is frequently given to the young people themselves, but really, whose fault is it? Without a doubt, the responsibility falls upon the parents! Teenagers are not being raised in the correct environment and should have better role-models than what they are currently being exposed to. If one does not teach their child to be well mannered and respectful at a young age, then their children won’t be well mannered and respectful in their years of adolescence. The parents themselves are accountable for the number of young people who have been brought up in an improper manner.

Additionally, it’s obvious that there is a stigma towards the youth of today that should be non-existent. Do you ever hear, “Adults are ill-mannered, arrogant, judgmental tyrants!” while your walking down the street? Absolutely not! It’s as if teenagers deserve no respect from the older generation. At its extreme, it is a form of age discrimination! There are teenagers out there that are the making of a better world. They hold the future in their hands. The least we could do is encourage and teach them, instead of treating them like scum and ignoring their point of view.

Furthermore, I would like to point out that I find the adult age bracket to be rather hypocritical. Many will accuse teenagers of committing the largest amount of crime today. Are adults continually angelic saints? They too have their flaws. What about the paramount numbers of adult rapists, murderers and child abusers crawling out from the woodwork? Who are adults to point the finger at teenagers, when their age group is just as appalling?!

In 2001, the Morgan Circuit and Superior Courts discovered that a staggering 121 files were charged against adults who committed theft, 22 files were charged in relation to adult child molesters, 157 files were charged in that year against adults who were in possession of Marijuana and the list goes on. My point is that, in no way, shape or form are adults in any position to criticize teenagers when there are just as many faults to their age group.

In conclusion, I would like to summarize by reiterating, we are all equal people who have the right to not be judged by the rest of society. This form of age discrimination must be stopped before the name of teenager’s is dragged through the mud any further. If adults make themselves feel better by insulting the younger generation, they have a lot to learn.

Thanks for reading!

Defending My Fellow Teenager!

The older generation often look down upon the youth of this era, as if undoubtedly, every single young person on planet Earth is a lazy, foul-mouthed slob. In our modern society, people have grown to be rather inequitable in regards to their opinion of teenagers. Is it fair to give a broad label such as, “All teenagers are disrespectful, indolent and defiant!” to teenagers? No, I believe it is not. I consider it my duty, as a teenager myself, to pull my age bracket out of the false reputation that society has fabricated.

It appears that many people think teenagers habitually make wrong decisions in relation to their education, social and personal life. Anyone with even a small amount of intellect can distinguish that that statement only applies for a minority of young people. Everyone, be they a teenager, adult, black or white, should not all be filed under a bad reputation. Teenagers are human; they make mistakes as we all do! They too have ambitions for their future. It is undeniably true that these false accusations are unfair and are nothing but biased lies. To prove my point to an even further extent, I will give you an example of a teenage genius.

Ali Moeen Nawazish, a charming 18-year-old from Pakistan, took 23 A-levels in a single year and received grade A in all but two examinations. He did so exceptionally well, that he earned a place at the University of Cambridge, one of the top five universities in Europe. There are thousands more young people like Ali who strive for greater things and work hard to obtain them.

Secondly, it’s obvious that there is a stigma towards the youth of today that should be non-existent. Do you ever hear, “Adults are ill-mannered, arrogant, judgmental tyrants!” while your walking down the street? Absolutely not! It’s as if teenagers deserve no respect from the older generation. At its extreme, it is a form of age discrimination! There are teenagers out there that are the making of a better world. They hold the future in their hands. The least we could do is encourage and teach them, instead of treating them like scum and ignoring their point of view.

Furthermore, I would like to point out that I find the adult age bracket to be rather hypocritical. Are adults continually angelic saints? They too have their flaws. What about the paramount numbers of adult rapists, murderers and child abusers crawling out from the woodwork? Who are adults to point the finger at teenagers, when their age group is just as appalling?!

In 2001, the Morgan Circuit and Superior Courts discovered that 121 files were charged against adults who committed theft, 22 files were charged in relation to adult child molesters, 157 files were charged in that year against adults who were in possession of Marijuana and the list goes on. My point is that, in no way, shape or form are adults in any position to criticize teenagers when there are just as many faults to their age group.

Subliminal Symbols in Our Modern Society and Media (read description)

NOTE: I am not, I repeat NOT agreeing and/or disagreeing with the illuminati, satanism, the new world order and conspiracy theories etc. I am simply stating, that we often are blind to subliminal messages and symbology that appear in our modern society and media.

I Love Life. That's a Fact.

Do you ever step outside and go for a walk in the pouring rain, yet not know where you are walking to? Have you ever looked up at the night sky and wondered about what lies beyond? Have you ever wanted to run with the wild horses through wide open spaces? Have you ever climbed to the top of a tree and felt the breeze brush against your face like an eagles wing? Have you ever dived into a fresh mountain river?

I love life. That's a fact.

What a Cold Shower Can Do!

Today, I had a cold shower. That's right, cold. It was probably the best shower I've ever had.

The water shocking my body, sliding down my back and along my legs. That feeling of energy, of adrenaline as I feel my heart beating twice as fast within my chest. And as the water flows over my head, it soothes my scalp and cools my mind.

A cold shower forces you to think of nothing but the sensations you are feeling while having the shower.

Humanity's Ego

Humanity's ego is stopping us from proceeding to a higher level of conscious awareness. Our self-centred, indulgent ways must come to an end so that we can build a future, our own future, that will contain positive aspects and promises.

We often blame everyone but ourselves for this planet's dilemas, and instead of doing anything to help the Earth, we sit arguing with each other about who caused the problems. We need to detect the issue, acknowledge that it's there and demolish it along with its negativity, to better our planet. We cannot sit around any longer.

To change the world, first we must change ourselves. If we all did so, we could continue living in the harmony that orginally covered the Earth.


EGO = CHAOS

SELFLESSNESS = HARMONY FOR HUMANITY

God Violates His Own Commandment- Do Not Murder

You Have to Kill:

Cursed be he who does the Lords work remissly, cursed he who holds back his sword from blood. (Jeremiah 48:10 NAB)

Basically what God is telling us here is, "If you don't kill that mother, father, child or infant, you will be cursed!"

I've never really been able to wrap my head around the whole, "Do not murder" thing, when God regularly killed/kills people. There are many examples in the bible where God commands his people to slaughter innocent people, including infants, simply because they are not God's people. Many Christians give the petty excuse and say, "God gives life, and can take it away." That just doesn't compute with me. Below, I give some examples of this:



Kill Nonbelievers

They entered into a covenant to seek the Lord, the God of their fathers, with all their heart and soul; and everyone who would not seek the Lord, the God of Israel, was to be put to death, whether small or great, whether man or woman. (2 Chronicles 15:12-13 NAB)

Killing at Jericho

When the people heard the sound of the horns, they shouted as loud as they could. Suddenly, the walls of Jericho collapsed, and the Israelites charged straight into the city from every side and captured it. They completely destroyed everything in it – men and women, young and old, cattle, sheep, donkeys – everything. (Joshua 6:20-21 NLT)

Kill Your Neighbours

(Moses) stood at the entrance to the camp and shouted, "All of you who are on the LORD's side, come over here and join me." And all the Levites came. He told them, "This is what the LORD, the God of Israel, says: Strap on your swords! Go back and forth from one end of the camp to the other, killing even your brothers, friends, and neighbors." The Levites obeyed Moses, and about three thousand people died that day. Then Moses told the Levites, "Today you have been ordained for the service of the LORD, for you obeyed him even though it meant killing your own sons and brothers. Because of this, he will now give you a great blessing." (Exodus 32:26-29 NLT)

God sent lions to kill "some" foreigners 2 Kg.17:25-26RACISM

TOTAL KILLED THROUGHOUT THE BIBLE: 2,270,365+

Emotive Tactics in Christianity

Over the 13 years that I’ve been attending a Pentecostal church, I’ve been able to observe the routine of church services. It’s seems that up until a few years ago, I’d just accepted the happenings of church. I never really questioned what was going on around me enough to disagree.

Often there’ll be music, prayers, singing and shouting praise onto God. All the service activities seem to be centred around emotion and getting you to feel a certain way. Musicians would choose specific songs to play. For example, very slow songs that create a mood, or really up beat ones to get everyone excited. Everything is planned to be a particular way to pull on your heart strings.

The emotions you feel can sometimes mask your ability to think. In church I find that the phrase, “Feel, don’t think” really does come into play. When pastors are preaching, they make you feel afraid, excited, etc particularly on the topic of hell. They’ll make you think “I don’t want to burn for all eternity in hell fire. So I’ve got to become a Christian then!”

When I was a Christian and I was worshipping in church, I often forgot why I was worshipping. It seemed that I was just being caught up in the emotion and atmosphere, not praising God. If that's the way church can make a person feel, well, their not making God the centre of their worship are they?

Encouragement Please, Not Pressure!

It's just about 5 weeks until I have to do my transfer exams that will decide whether I get into the high school I want. So I started revising quite a while back, and just a few days ago, I recieved my revision list in the mail. A revision list (here in the UK) is basically a little booklet that tells you what you need to study for each required subject for your up-coming exams. I like them, they help you a lot as they're guidelines that give you a rough idea of what you need to learn. But I hate recieving them, as I know, it's time to knuckle down and study. But this is all beside the point. What I really what to discuss is how teachers pile on a horrific amount of pressure on us students.

I'm not being biased here, I know that teachers want us to do well in our exams. Maybe it's just because they genuinely want us to do good, or maybe it's because if we don't do well in our exams, it'll make them look bad as teacher. I don't think it's the latter, but possibly for some teachers.

For me, I need to be motivated, not pressured. It really bugs me when a teacher sits down with a class and makes everyone feel anxious about the exams that are drawing near in a matter of weeks! We know the exams are coming, you don't need to keep telling us that! Instead of fearmongering us, why don't you give us some tips or encourage us?

LIFE IS LIKE A WELL...

Life is like a well. The fresh water is waiting, but you need to make the effort to obtain it.

***

I was thinking that I'd turn it into a haiku. So here is another version. All I've done is take some words away (syllables are 5,7,5):

Life is like a well.
The fresh water is waiting,
make the effort to obtain.

Hello Raleigh Vista!

I am now the proud owner of a new Raleigh Vista 18 speed bicycle! I got around £50 for Christmas from relatives and was tossing and turning on what to buy with it. So since late December the money had been sitting around in my wallet doing nothing, and I just couldn't decide what to buy. Some of you may be thinking, "What bike is 50 quid?". Well, I'll explain that now...

I had my old mountain bike for over 4 years and it was looking a bit rusty I must say (I'll admit I didn't take very good care of it). After weeks and weeks of buying nothing with my Christmas money, my parents suggested that I get a new bike. There's a bike shop called Hickland's where they have a big warehouse full of bikes to choose from. It's where I got my old bike. My parents informed me that they allow you to trade in your old bike, and give you roughly about £15-20 off your next bike. I loved the idea. So we drove down there and to our surprise the shop's prices were way out of my budget.

So we went down to JJB, a sports shop, and had a look around. Bingo! There was the Raleigh Vista, and it was only £80 on sale. My parents were willing to contribute to the price as an early birthday present. And now it's home with me. It's more than I could ever have asked for. It looks good, it's fast and it's just the right size!

Telekinesis- Mind Over Matter

Many of you are fimiliar with the word 'telekinesis'. There are those who are skeptical about the ability to move objects with the mind, and honestly, I don't blame them. The amount of fake demonstrations I've seen on YouTube would lead anyone to believe that people are just trying to put on a show. But I've seen skeptics commenting on other YouTuber's demonstrations (genuine ones), and just automatically asumming that they're fake because telekinesis defies the laws of classicals physics, or because the skeptic has seen other fake videos, so this particular video and it's creator must be frauds.

It really frustrates me to see that. Some people don't have the gumption to look at the video demonstration from both angles and say, "Okay, are there any signs or giveaways that this guy's faking it?" and "Now, let's give the guy a chance. Are there are any signs or giveaways that this guy's video is genuine?" That's the process you need to go through when watching a TK video. It's all too easy to be rigid in your beliefs and just say that the video and telekinesis in general is fake.

The Christian believer might say, "Telekinesis?! Occult! Occult! Stay away!" The hardcore skeptic or modern scientist might say, "Ha! Telekinesis is just movement from convectional forces such as heat or air currents!" Instead of questioning their beliefs or even considering telekinesis, they turn back to their old information and sweep away the new. I've learnt that you must have a belief system that is not resistant to change. Go wherever the information leads you instead of standing rigid to the spot in your beliefs.

Back to telekinesis though. "Okay, Naomi, what is the cause of telekinesis?" I'll give you a definate answer and a not so definate answer. I'll give you the definate one first: I don't know. I honestly don't know what is the cause of telekinesis. But that doesn't mean it doesn't exist because we don't understand it. Although I don't have a definate answer, I know that what causes TK is more than what conventional science can explain. People often don't believe telekinesis is real because they don't undertand it or it's abrasive with their religion. What's the first thing you do when you don't understand something? You try to understand it by asking questions and trying it out for yourself.

Here's my not so definate answer: telekinesis is mind over matter. I've done numerous experiments with TK using a psi wheel and the golden word you need when doing telekinesis is....intention. By wanting to do telekinesis, you will do it. I remember hearing about a documentary about a little 5 year old girl who had a rare disease of the brain. She had to have one whole side of her brain removed from her skull! Now when the right side of the brain is removed, the left side of the body becomes paralysed and vice versa. After having this extreme surgery the doctors made her try and control her limbs with the remainding side of her brain. And guess what, she did! She was able to re-connect her control with the paralysed side of her body, because she wanted to! It works the same way with telekinesis. Don't believe me? Try it out for yourself!